


Forget You

by nanifairy (ktwrites1530)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst for now, M/M, bobhwan, i needed feelings so this came out, involves a bit of magic because how can you make someone forget completely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 03:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21206432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktwrites1530/pseuds/nanifairy
Summary: Jinhwan just wanted to forget.





	1. Chapter 1

Jinhwan wanted to forget.

He sees Jiwon everywhere: in the now empty space next to him on his bed, in the bathroom where Jiwon liked to talk to him while he brushes his teeth, in the kitchen where there were food fights and comfortable way of working around each other while they cook meals, in the study room which was converted to a game room where they forgot they were lovers and brought out the best in each other while competing in games, and in the living room where they have watched a lot of movies and series together. 

He remembers Jiwon when he walks down Han River where they know each one would run to if they need a breather—from life or from each other. Or when he strolls in the park, for it was where Jiwon taught him how to ride a bike and then later surprised him with a picnic, that same day the first time Jiwon told Jinhwan he loves him. At the arcade, where Jiwon frequently took him so Jinhwan could blow off some steam, or where Jinhwan won for him a Pooh plushie (which Jiwon gave to his nephew Raon later on). 

He remembers Jiwon even at the gym, a place he used to hate to go to but Jiwon was a gym rat—you can't get those six-pack abs without any effort. They wrestled and did boxing there, which was another excuse for physical contact. And his food—he loves seafood but Jiwon dislikes them with a passion, and even now, Jinhwan doesn't order anything with seafood in it, as if he was still half-expecting Jiwon to pick some of the food off his plate. 

Jiwon was everywhere for Jinhwan, and six months after their breakup, Jinhwan didn't see that things would get better anytime soon. He didn't want to see any more photos of Jiwon while he's on his finding- himself world tour, and he didn't want to get lost in another human just for mere carnal sex because he wanted to feel. 

He was tired. 

He wanted to forget. 

“Are you sure?” asked Hanbin, handing him the small vial, which contained a memory potion potent enough to wipe the last five years he was with Jiwon. The potion was pre-spelled to be just Jiwon-specific—any trace of their relationship would be gone, and all he would remember was that he didn't like Jiwon as they were childhood enemies. 

Jinhwan looked at the big box in front of him, which contained every single memento of his failed relationship: their photos, ticket stubs to the movie dates, concerts, and musicals they watched, among others. But buried beneath those where ten journals, five for him and another five for Jiwon, one for each year they were together. In those, they had patiently wrote and chronicled their relationship as best as they could. 

Five years in ten journals. 

And then Jinhwan deposited one more journal, for the last six months that Jiwon was away, where he wrote down how he felt each day. In it was a letter to himself, reminding him why he decided to take the potion. 

_ Jiwon was everything to you, and it became too painful to live without him. You used other people and numbed yourself, buried yourself in work and drank till you dropped. But nothing worked. This was the only way, to forget the person you loved so much and who had loved you back in the same way. This was the only moving forward that made sense for now, so that life would be much more bearable.  _

“Yes,” Jinhwan said with a heavy sigh. He looked at the potion in his hand, one he had paid with a hefty sum of money for. He knew he was lucky as not everyone had the means to get to it—and not just monetary as you have to know the right people, too, to get you to the person who creates them. 

This was it, his way out. His way to forget. 

Jinhwan popped open the cork and was about to gulp it down when Hanbin clamped on his hand to stop him. “Hyung....” Hanbin started, a worried look on his face. Jinhwan had told his closest friends of his plan so that they wouldn't accidentally tell him or remind him of the person he wanted to delete from his memory. Hanbin initially disagreed, but he had seen the downward spiral Jinhwan was going through and it was even more painful to watch it. 

“It's okay, Hanbin-ah,” Jinhwan said with a wry smile. “It's for the best.” 

Hanbin sighed, releasing Jinhwan's hand. He closed the box and stowed it away, and when he returned, Jinhwan still had the full vial in his hand. 

“Thank you for being here for me,” Jinhwan said, and Hanbin nodded. After a deep breath, Jinhwan gulped down the vial's contents. He gasped, as if choking on it, and Hanbin rushed to pat his back. 

Jinhwan coughed repeatedly, his breath in heavy drags, and Hanbin was at a loss for what to do. 

And then suddenly—the coughs stopped, and Jinhwan took a couple of deep breaths to recover. 

When Jinhwan looked up, eyes gazing at Hanbin's, they were bright as ever, clear and void of any pain. 

“Hanbin-ah, can we go out to get some jjampong? I am starving,” he said with an easy smile, and Hanbin paused, blinking at his hyung. 

“Are you okay, hyung?” Hanbin asked cautiously. 

Jinhwan frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He patted Hanbin on the back. “Come on, my treat.” 

“O-okay,” Hanbin said, still hesitant. He followed Jinhwan who was already at the door, and just as the older one touched the doorknob, the bell rang, followed by frantic knocks as if it was an emergency. 

Jinhwan threw the door open, and at the doorstep was a breathless and sweaty Jiwon, who looked like he ran up the eight flights of stairs all the way up to Hanbin's apartment. 

“Jinani,” Jiwon said in between huge gulps of air, almost too relieved to see Jinhwan. He clasped at the door jamb to steady himself, and when he looked up at Jinhwan, he, too, was cautious. “Please tell me you didn't do it.” 

Jinhwan turned to Hanbin, a puzzled look in his face, and then back at Jiwon again. “What in the world are you doing here, Kim Jiwon? I haven't seen you in years!” 

Crestfallen, Jiwon's knees gave out from underneath him, and Jinhwan rushed forward to catch him. “Fuck, I am too late,” Jiwon said, and before Jinhwan could ask for what, Jiwon clutched at him, breaking down in tears. 

“Why, hyung? Why would you do this?” Jiwon said, sobbing. “Everything was painful for me, too, but it—it never  _ever_ crossed my mind to erase all memories of us together. It never crossed my mind to delete you from everything because I cherished everything that we had, the good ones and the bad.” 

“What in the world are you even talking about? Memories? We were together?!” Jinhwan said, struggling with Jiwon's weight. “Jiwon,” he continued with a grunt, “the only thing I remember of you is that you were always the one I am pitted against in all school competitions, even with girls, so... you must be mistaken.” 

“Jinani...” It was all Jiwon could say, sobbing into the arms of a confused Jinhwan. 

Jiwon collapsed to the ground, taking down Jinhwan with him, as he made a solemn promise. 

“I'll make you remember, hyung. I'll make you remember, even if it's the last thing I would do in this life.” 


	2. Chapter 2

There was a scuffle, some punches thrown, cut lips, and eyes that would definitely bruise later… but eventually, Jinhwan and Hanbin managed to throw a still frantic Jiwon out of Hanbin’s apartment. On the other side of a closed door, Jiwon banged on it one last time, uttering another promise: “I’ll be back, Kim Jinhwan. I’ll be back for you. I’ll make you remember me and what we had.”

Hanbin and Jinhwan flopped onto the couch, spent from the events of the last ten minutes. Then Hanbin stood up, disappearing into his kitchen, and when he came back, he had a couple of glasses of water in his hands. He handed one to Jinhwan, who sat up and cast him a questioning glance.

“Where do you want to start?” Hanbin asked, and Jinhwan opened his mouth to speak, hundreds of thoughts flooding through his head. And then he closed his mouth, giving up on asking as the questions were too many.

Hanbin waited for his hyung to speak. He didn’t know who told Jiwon of what Jinhwan had intended to do, but there was a huge part of him that was thankful that Jiwon didn’t come on time to stop Jinhwan. He tried to recall if Jinhwan told him if there was a way to reverse the effects of the potion, but his hyung was silent about it. Jinhwan did, after all, just showed up on his doorstep a few weeks ago, telling him that he found a way to forget, showing him the memory potion, offering no other information on the source or possible side effects or how to reverse it—just that there it was, a potion to forget the love of his life.

“Jiwon and I were… together?” Jinhwan said slowly, after a short while.

Hanbin hesitated, glancing at the kitchen table where the empty vial of the potion was still left. He scratched his head, trying to figure out what to say, or how much was he allowed to say.

“Bin-ah?”

Hanbin looked up at Jinhwan again, sighing this time. “Yes,” he said in a low voice.

The frown on Jinhwan’s face grew deeper. “But I—I don’t remember…” 

“You wanted to forget,” Hanbin said, placing a hand on Jinhwan’s arm. “I was expecting this to happen but not too soon? You were supposed to…” he paused, sighing again. “You were supposed to enjoy the fruits of forgetting him because you didn’t live in the past six months after you guys broke up, hyung. You were a shell of the Kim Jinhwan I and everyone else who loved you know.”

“I am going to kill the person who told Jiwon about this,” Hanbin muttered under his breath, evidently frustrated. “We didn’t even have an hour before he pops back up in your life again.”

“Hey,” Jinhwan said, taking Hanbin’s hand on his arm and giving it a squeeze. “Shh,” he soothed. “You did say it was bound to happen. So for now, why don’t we just go and get that jjamppong that we were supposed to eat? I am still starving.”

Hanbin’s eyes flashed at him, concerned. “Hyung—”

“I know,” Jinhwan cut him off. “We have to talk about Jiwon and whatever else that led to me not remembering that he and I were together. But—” Jinhwan paused, throwing his hands into the air—“this is all too much, okay? There’s a guy who was my childhood nemesis wanting to fight tooth and nail to make me remember about a relationship that I, apparently, wanted to forget. And I have an intense craving for jjamppong which feels like I haven’t eaten it in _ages_, and I need to control something, okay? Getting that stupid dish is something within my control.”

“Okay,” Hanbin said, pulling Jinhwan into his arms, hugging his hyung. “Okay, we’ll get the jjamppong. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”

Jinhwan gave him a slight squeeze, and then pulled back, and a small smile on his face. “Thank you.”

Hanbin disentangled himself from Jinhwan and then pulled Jinhwan up to stand. “Let’s go.”

******

The time that Jinhwan needed was a week—because a week later, he showed up at Hanbin’s doorstep, declaring that he was ready.

Hanbin pulled out the box that Jinhwan had brought out of his storage, depositing them on top of the dining table. “I suggest start with the journals,” he said. He left after giving Jinhwan a glass of water, telling his hyung he’ll be in his room if ever Jinhwan needed him.

The first journal he had picked up was the one labelled 2019, and when he opened it, it was full of seemingly angry scrawls and markings. On March 31st, the page was solely marked with red ink: _And then it was over_. Jinhwan guessed it was the day he and Jiwon supposedly broke up, and he took another deep breath before turning the page.

** _April 2nd: _ ** _I should have just forgiven him and buried the past. I should have just told him I could get over it. Or maybe I should’ve tried harder. Tried harder to forget that once, I wasn’t enough for Jiwon, that he had to look somewhere else to get what he needed. That there was someone else for him, who wasn’t me._

**_April 10th: _**_Who I was kidding, telling Jiwon it would be okay? That we were going to be fine after he confessed that he cheated, when that was the one thing in relationships that I couldn’t forgive? And worse? _Jinani, we didn’t have sex. _LIKE THAT FUCKING MATTERS! LIKE THAT SHOULD SOFTEN THE BLOW?!!?!?!?! Cheating on me emotionally was way worse. I wished you and that guy just fucked, Jiwon, and nothing else. But you loved the guy, Jiwon. YOU FUCKING LOVED HIM WHEN YOU SHOULD’VE JUST LOVED ONLY ME. _

** _April 20th: _ ** _Three months. We tried again for three months. But I couldn’t trust him again. I love him, but I don’t trust him. I love him. I love him. I. LOVE. HIM. _

_I told myself that in the three months we were back together. And Jiwon tried—it’s not like he didn’t—but I guess… when trust is lost…_

_I love him. _

** _May 1st: _ ** _I called Jiwon. I think I did a decent job of not picking up the phone for a month to call him after our breakup, no? But I failed today. I called him and begged him to come back. I begged him to take **me** back. I told him it’s fine, that he can have me and him, the other guy he was fucking, just so I can have him back. _

_I begged. My new lowest of lows, right there. _

_And he said no. _

** _May 23rd: _ ** _He’s in Okinawa now. Last week it was Bali. He’s having the time of his life while I’m here, picking up pieces. And failing at it, as Hanbin always points out. Fucking anyone who would have me because I need to dull this ache in my chest. And you know what? A lot of men would have me, Kim Jiwon. A lot of them like me. They said I’m damn good in bed and they want more. _

_But that doesn’t matter, does it? Because they’re all not you, Jiwon. They are all not you. _

** _June 12th: _ ** _PRO TIP: Alcohol and sex with people you don’t care for are a pretty good combination for numbing the pain. _

** _June 13th: _ ** _Jiwon is in London. We were supposed to go there, passing by on our way to see the Northern Lights while they’re still there. But I guess he’s going there now, with God-only-knows-who. _

Jinhwan slammed the journal shut, realizing that tears streamed down his face and that he was breathing hard. The tears progressed to sobs, an ache opening in his chest, pinpricks repeatedly throbbing and piercing. He didn’t know for how long he sobbed, but when he finally opened his eyes, he saw a piece of paper on the floor, a loose leaf from the journal which probably dropped when he closed it.

It was his letter to himself.

*****

“Hyung?”

Hanbin slowly walked out his room to find a calmer Jinhwan, finishing the glass of water in a couple of gulps. He looked tired, worn-out, and cried out, but there was resolve on his face when Jinhwan looked at Hanbin.

Jinhwan stood up, taking the journal that was on the table and sliding it back into the box that was still left unpacked. He had only opened one journal, Hanbin realized, and it already made him a mess.

“I think I found out all I needed to know,” Jinhwan said, closing the top of the box. He gave Hanbin a forced smile, saying, “I think I made the right decision of forgetting him.”

Confused, Hanbin began, “Hyung, aren’t you going to go through the rest of the stuff—”

“No,” Jinhwan said firmly. “I know he meant a lot to me, and… no. I don’t want all of that back in,” he said, pointing an accusing finger at the box. “I don’t want… I don’t need it. I don’t need the pain again, because it’s too much.” He took a deep breath. “To love someone that much and give them all the power over you… I… I can’t have that again. This is better.”

Jinhwan took another deep breath, and the smile he gave Hanbin this time was more sincere. “I am better now, and I don’t need Jiwon back in. You can throw those stuff away or burn it or whatever… I don’t need them anymore.”

Hanbin stayed silent, and after a beat, he took the box from the counter and brought it back to his storage.

**Author's Note:**

> feelings and feedback, please send me a DM over at @kecachata, or curiouscat: https://curiouscat.me/kecachata  
OOORRRR drop a comment here hihi


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